Boy + Girl = A Mess

I had this "friend"... (Don't all stories begin this way?) We officially met while painting for our theatre department in high school. Afterwards, the group went out to pizza. We exchanged numbers. We spent some time together.

Badda-Bing. Badda-Boom.

And, for a while, I thought this guy was perfect. I mean, finally, a friend that totally understood me. He got all of my jokes. We never got tired of each others company. Movies, mini-golf, pizza. We spent hours just talking and talking. Honestly... I had fallen for my best friend.

BIG. MISTAKE.

First off, guys and girls can't just be "best friends". Keep that in mind. There's always deeper feelings that are coming from one of you.

So, obviously, he liked me and I kind of liked him. But then I got a boyfriend (That's a story for another day). Then he got a girlfriend. Then I broke up with my boyfriend- he broke up with his girlfriend. PRESTO. We were both single- AGAIN... And hanging out all the time.

We were back to that time before all of the confusion and relationships. Just "best friends" again. But, unfortunately (or fortunately), those "feelings" I talked about earlier? Yeah. They resurfaced.

I could feel myself getting closer to him. There was that time when I laid my head on his shoulder at the book store. Or that time when we almost held hands while at the midnight premiere of Transformers 3.

Now, we were best friends. We knew everything about each other.

Unfortunately for him, that means that I know some pretty deep stuff about his life (of which I'm not going to share online- even if I am venting).
But for me... my life is uneventful. At least in the area of "dark secrets". Oh, I don't always floss! That would be a terrible secret to tell. BORING.

Now, my best friend had told me how he felt about me. I knew all of it. I'd heard the speech so many times. So whenever the topic came up... I was prepared.

What I wasn't prepared for? The confession of my own feelings.

The week before my senior year, I found out that my family was moving all the way across the country. So, we left... As I was leaving, all I could think to myself was how moving was a good thing. My best friend could move on. I wouldn't have to deal with the emotional roller coaster.

But after about a month away... I realized that I wanted that emotional roller coaster. Of everything to miss- I missed my best friend. And how I didn't want him to move on. I couldn't sleep at night. So in the middle of the night, I sent him a text about how I felt about him... (Yes. LAME.)

So, where does that leave us almost 5 months later?

CONFUSION!

No, no, no. No relationship. Long distance never works.

A planned trip to see each other? He backed out because of lack of money. (After he went out and bought a snowboard, and a hammock, and a recording microphone.)
My birthday came up and he bought me a present! ...But forgot to send it until I finally reminded him 10 days later.
He said he was going to come visit me out here this summer! ...Now it's always "hopefully".

Just getting him to pull through on a good Skype chat for 10 minutes is like pulling teeth. He offers, and then magically runs out of time.

There are so many problems with "us". As best friends, we're perfect.

But as to anything more... I have no idea. We're complete opposites right now. We're looking for different things. I want a relationship, to get married, have a ton of kids, have a career, go to church every Sunday, live my dreams, have a good life.
And he wants to date around for a long time, eventually settle down, have one or two kids, go camping every weekend, be totally involved in sports, and still have a good life.

Maybe only time will tell. My head is telling me that this guy isn't good for me.

But my heart? My heart can't seem to let him go. No matter how hard I try.